


Dazed states and fake dates

by LetteredCreation



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Asexual Character, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Channeling stereotypical Gay, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Gay, Getting Together, Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Making homophobes uncomfortable, No prominent war AU, POV Third Person, Queer Themes, Slurs, Swearing, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Sirius, asexual!Remus, bowling, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetteredCreation/pseuds/LetteredCreation
Summary: Remus has some childhood friends that he knows are homophobic, that does not know that Remus is queer, and that have now asked Remus to hang-out after not seeing each other for over a year. Remus wants to come out to them as clearly as possible, and preferably shove it in their faces a little. This leads to going online to ask for a fake boyfriend to help him...Pretending to be in a relationship with someone you are already in love with is horrible and wonderful at the same time, as Sirius and Remus will experience.





	Dazed states and fake dates

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is fanfiction, the main characters and the universe/world this is set in belongs to J. K. Rowling, so I thank her very much. I do not claim any ownership over any Harry Potter characters. This fic is not canon, it is not official, it is purely my own imagination. I do not earn money for this.

Remus was nervous. He had practically just placed an ad on a queer forum, asking for a fake boyfriend to help come out to his homophobic childhood friends. He must sound weird. Nobody would ever go for this. At least, nobody in this area who was free on such short notice would want to.

He was wrong. Sure, nobody replied right away, but the day after, which was the morning before the "hang-out", when he had pretty much given up hope, he got a reply. @doggystyle66 replied, "I'd love an opportunity to bash some homophobes :D where should we meet?".

Remus was surprised, but he was happy to have found someone to help him come out (despite the awful username). It helped calm him, knowing he'd have someone by his side to help argue and make them uncomfortable (like they deserved). Remus told the guy to meet at a shop not too far away from the bowling hall where the hang-out would start so they could walk there together. He gave a quick fake backstory for their "relationship" and briefly described himself (tall, wearing a slim-fitting sweater despite the warm weather (not that he usually wore very slim fitting outfits but he was trying to push Gay™ in their face today), and wearing some light make-up (not very common for him that either really)). Having such little time and being who they were they managed to forget to exchange phone numbers and names, which is what led them to this particular situation.

Remus stood outside the shop they were meant to meet at, ten minutes early to their already early meeting time. He was wearing the tightest sweater and jeans he had (still not extremely tight), and had put on a little mascara, pink lipstick, and light blush. He didn't know why he was so nervous, but he didn't have too much experience with coming out to people, and he was basically going to meet people who were likely to argue and be uncomfortable and hate him for it. How was he supposed to feel?

Before he could ponder it any more a voice from his side said "fuck, how'd you manage to put on make-up before leaving without me noticing? And how come you didn't tell us you're gonna meet homophobic childhood friends!? Any of us would've been thrilled to pretend to be your boyfriend and bash those assholes!"

Sirius had first approached Remus, meaning to just say hi before finding the stranger he was meeting, but then he had seen the make-up on Remus’ face and noticed the tightness of his clothes. He had stopped, then, because _Remus in make-up I’m gonna die!_ and Sirius had double checked that Remus was the only one nearby that fit the description he had received. Sirius had to take a deep breath and calm his heart before approaching his beautiful friend and crush.

Remus had turned, startled, at the sudden voice, and was now letting loose an inner stream of swear words. It was Sirius. Sirius was his fake boyfriend for the day. Sirius, his roommate, friend, and long-time crush, was going to pretend to be his boyfriend. How would he survive this?

"Err… Hi?" Smooth, Remus, smooth.

"Hello, Moony, mind telling me why you kept this from me? I thought we were friends!" And there was the over-dramatic person Remus knew (and loved just a little too much).

"I didn't want to worry you," Remus replied, sheepish. "And… I kind of wanted to do this on my own." He considered bringing up that they were more fake boyfriends than just friends now, but decided against it. He didn't want to bring that up yet.

Sirius' expression softened. "Then why did you go looking for a fake boyfriend to accompany you?"

Remus groaned. "I don't know! And I'm starting to regret it!"

"Nonsense, we're going to be the best boyfriends and we're gonna kill these homophobes!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing an arm up and around Remus, only adding "Metaphorically, of course," as an afterthought.

So, seeing he had no choice and they were soon going to be late, Remus set his shoulders and prepared himself for pretending to be the boyfriend of the one person he wanted to be his (real) boyfriend. Turning toward the bowling hall he let Sirius' hand slip from his shoulders but twined his fingers with his instead, starting to walk toward their destination, ignoring the frantically happy butterflies in his stomach as his hand was squeezed by Sirius'.

Sirius grinned. "That's the spirit!" And then he started skipping down the street, Remus half way jogging to keep up.

 

 

 

As they entered the bowling hall Remus was tempted to back out, to release his hand from Sirius's and not come out to his friends at all. But he pushed against it, tightened his grip on Sirius' hand and walked toward where he saw his childhood friends standing in a group.

As they neared them, they started noticing Remus. One of them waved and grinned. Then, as they came closer, he saw their entwined fingers and stared.  Remus waved hesitatingly.

"Er, hi, Remus," said one of them, somewhat uncomfortable but nice enough about it. The others, however…

"Wait, you're a _faggot_?"

"What the fuck?"

"You've got a _boyfriend_?"

They were incredulous, some sounded betrayed, others grossed out, and some just stood there uncomfortably. Remus froze, but Sirius didn't. Maybe because he was so used to slurs and insults from his family, or maybe because he was happy to be passing so easily as a guy, even when trying to look more feminine to give an extra strong image of Stereotypical Gay™. Maybe it was also that he didn't know these people; they hadn't been his friends. He was still furious, of course, but it didn't get to him as easily.

Regardless, he managed to say something and stand up for them both. "Hello, nice to meet you too,” he said pointedly. “And, to answer one of your more respectful questions, yes he does have a boyfriend. What about you?"

The other boys stared (including Remus), and the one who had asked the last question spluttered. "Have I got a _boyfriend_? No, I don't, thanks, I'm not a fucking _poof_!"

"Too bad, I love meeting fellow gays!" That seemed to get Remus back the ability to speak.

Coughing a little first, Remus said, "Er, right, anyway, hello! This is Sirius," and then Remus introduced the others in the group to Sirius.

They went to start the bowling then, despite the tense atmosphere. Every time Sirius and Remus did something even remotely romantic to each other or even hinted at anything LGBTQ+ related, the others would look uncomfortable or grossed out. This, of course, only helped increase their determination. That was not the only reason, though, as they were both enjoying the increased casual touches and sweet words a bit too much. It was torture and bliss at the same time. They were both in love with the other (not that they had realized it was that deep until they couldn’t get enough of the romance, despite it being pretend), and so every touch made them crave more and long for their relationship to be real.

 

 

 

They had been bowling for a few rounds, Remus being absolute shit with his sweaty hands and racing heart from the regular good-luck-kisses on the cheek he would get from Sirius before it was his turn. Sirius, however, was on fire, scoring Strike after Strike.

They were sitting beside each other now, holding hands and somewhat leaning on each other, both unaware of the other's blush and increased pulse at the contact. One of the other guys were throwing his bowling balls, and the rest were sitting on a sofa a little way over. They seemed to think Remus and Sirius couldn’t hear any of what they said, and couldn’t see the looks they were sending them. To be fair, they couldn’t hear _everything_ , but they could hear enough. Remus’ childhood friends were, once again, expressing their disgust with "the queers".

Sirius and Remus were trying not to get affected, trying to pretend they didn’t hear what was being said. Instead, they moved even closer to each other, Sirius throwing a leg over Remus' lap. They were starting to get happier the more homophobic remarks the others made as it gave them an excuse to be more romantic with each other. They had kissed each other on the cheek and forehead multiple times, were constantly holding hands or wrapping their arms around each other, and calling each other "babe" and "darling".

"I'm just glad they haven't snogged or kissed much yet. I mean, imagine that!" the disgusted voice came from the other group of boys, and they were all pulling appalled faces. There it was, the one thing they had not yet done, that they had somewhat tried to avoid, partly because they wanted their first kiss to be real, and partly because they didn’t know if they could control themselves if they went that far. This comment, though, threw that out the window for Remus.

"They think _we're_ gross?" Sirius reached to say with a roll of his eyes, before Remus stopped him from continuing by smashing their lips together furiously and wrapping his hands around Sirius' neck. Remus' hands entwined in Sirius' long hair as their lips started moving together. Sirius froze at first, too surprised, but then his eyes fluttered shut and he relaxed into the kiss. He tentatively pushed out his tongue and when Remus groaned deliciously in response and opened his mouth to him, a hot coil of pleasure shot down to Sirius' stomach. They both sank into the kiss, tongues moving together and hands exploring. Sirius put his hands on Remus' waist and pulled him closer before moving his hands up to wrap around Remus' back. Remus' hands twined through Sirius' hair and tried his best to deepen the kiss as much as possible, pressing himself to Sirius' body. They both released small pleased sounds as their tongues pushed and pulled, dancing with each other.

It was messy and desperate and _perfect_. Absolutely _amazing_.

They were ignorant to the ones around them, too wrapped up in their own world, despite the surrounding loud sounds of dismay and disgust. Finally, they broke off for air and were bombarded with sound again. Pulling apart as they realised what they had done, they looked away from each other’s blushing faces and looked around them. As they looked up, one of the more loudly homophobic of the boys came over.

"Sorry, but we can't deal with this anymore. You’ve gotta leave, you're being disgusting and this is a public space. We don’t wanna be friends with faggots." The boy sneered, spitting the last word with apparent disgust.

Remus, however, was still on such a high after the kiss that he simply got up, smiled, and said, "good, I don’t want to be friends with douchebags." Remus grabbed his things, took Sirius' hand and stalked out of there with a dazed Sirius in tow.

As they got out Remus continued walking quickly down the street, trying to calm his racing heart and mind. He was too wrapped up in himself he forgot to release Sirius' hand - not that any of them minded. Sirius was not back to himself enough to even think about it until they were half way down the street.

"Well, that was fun," Sirius said, a little too brightly, as they went around a corner and Sirius’ brain had finally returned from its previously melted state. That finally got Remus back to earth too. He suddenly stopped, looked down and quickly released Sirius' hand.

"Er, yes, um, thanks by the way," Remus said, still staring at where their hands had been clasped together.

"No problem." Sirius frowned, but tried to keep the confusion from his voice. He had started getting hope that maybe Remus liked him back after all, but his current behaviour was rather contradictory.

Remus schooled his features and forced himself away from thoughts of how Sirius might like him back, the kiss had made it seem so but he couldn’t be sure and he had to be sure before revealing his feelings to Sirius. He had to analyse the day, analyse Sirius' behaviour, he needed some time away from Sirius to consider they day's events. So, he pretended like everything in the bowling hall had been purely for show, and looked up at Sirius. "I need to go to the library, so I'll see you later in the dorm, ok?" He didn’t wait for an answer as he started turning to go toward the library.

"Um, ok," Sirius said, even more confused and annoyed. Had he thought wrong? Had he imagined Remus' moans and enthusiasm? Could Remus really just have been that keen on putting on a show for his childhood "friends"?

Letting out a frustrated groan, Sirius turned on his heel and made his way back to the dorm.

 

 

 

In the library, Remus worked. Maybe he should have worked on actual assignments for school, but how could he focus on that when there had finally been more solid evidence that Sirius might like him back?

So, he worked to figure out what Sirius had most likely been thinking at all times of the day. He wrote down typical Sirius behaviour, how he had seemed to react to people he had liked in the past, what other situations he had acted similarly in… and so on.

In the end, he was still unsure of what to think of Sirius' dazed state after the kiss. Remus was very glad he had managed to notice that, as it seemed an important detail. The thing was, Remus had never seen Sirius so dazed and subdued in his life! So, was that a positive thing or not? All the times Remus had seen Sirius angry or confused or sad, even, he had been talking non-stop, or looking like he was going to burst if he didn’t get to talk about it or throw things around. When he had been happy he had also been constantly wanting to talk, but it still somehow seemed the most likely option. Remus could not think of any reason Sirius would be sad, mad, disgusted, or confused enough to react in this way. Remus had seen Sirius very much all of those before, yet never seen him react this way. Happy, however… sure, Sirius was often expressing happy emotions, but happy without a single negative emotion lurking in the back? That never seemed to be the case. This was understandable as well, to Remus, considering Sirius came from such a horrible family and had gone through so much in his life already. Sirius’ facial expression after their kiss had also looked quite positive, and like there was only one thing on his mind (for once).

Therefore, Remus was quite sure - not completely, but quite - that Sirius had reacted very positively to their kiss. This, of course, led to the conclusion that it was actually quite likely that Sirius Black liked Remus Lupin back, romantically. The thought made Remus' heart beat faster, it made him anxious to test out his new hypothesis. To be fair, he probably should have tested it much sooner, but it had been too risky. Now, when the chance seemed higher, it outweighed the chance of his own feelings being revealed and rejected.

The problem was, Remus was not exactly the most skilled flirter. He did not have much experience with these kinds of situations. But he was willing to try. How hard could it be?

 

Very hard indeed, it turned out.

How was he supposed to say smooth and flirty sentences when his heart started beating faster just from _seeing_ Sirius? It hadn't been this bad before the kiss, or before the increased chance of reciprocation. Now, whenever he came close to Sirius, Remus would become awkward (more than usual, anyway) and stutter.

Remus had not realised that this was an obvious sign that he liked Sirius. Fortunately (or maybe more _un_ fortunately) Sirius did not realise this either. So came a time where everyone around them were even more blatantly reminded that the two boys were crushing hard on the other without realizing it was mutual.

After some attempts at getting himself to flirt with Sirius, Remus decided that this was not a way that could work for him. He was not ready to confess his feelings straight out, but he had read about other methods to find out whether it might be mutual. He would try to seem interested in other people and see how Sirius reacted. He also felt practicing his flirting on other people might be a good idea to get more comfortable with it so he could try it on Sirius again. He would still try to flirt with Sirius, though, he hadn't given up on that.

What Remus didn’t realize was how cruel and confusing it would feel for Sirius.

This went on for several days: Remus quite successfully flirting with other people than Sirius, Sirius becoming increasingly frustrated with Remus' awkwardness around him and sudden flirting with others. One morning, over two weeks since the day in the bowling hall, Remus actually managed to flirt with Sirius. It was not very well done, or how he intended to flirt at all, but it was _something_.

Remus had been lying on his bed trying to figure out the best way to get himself to flirt with Sirius without just giving it all away. He had been trying extra lately to just say _something_ that might be at least some form of subtle flirting. So far, he had managed nothing. This fateful morning, however, changed everything. Just as Remus had been on his way over to Sirius' bed to finally say something, only to realise Sirius wasn’t there, Sirius had come out from the showers, wearing only a t-shirt and a towel. This was when Remus had managed to get words out. Somehow, those words were "You look sexy," and Remus wanted to facepalm himself. Hard. With a rock. Several times.

Remus was asexual, for God's sake, his idea of "sexy" was different from most other people's, and yet he had just managed to call his crush sexy. Unluckily, Sirius knew Remus was asexual and was probably somewhat confused at Remus’ wording. On the other hand, this meant Sirius might at have understood that Remus was not, actually, referring to sexual attraction. That did not stop the other part of why Remus wanted aliens to kidnap him right in that moment. Remus had just blatantly stated that he found Sirius attractive. Even if he had said something more associated with sexual attraction, it still had an undeniable meaning behind it.

Remus closed his eyes and leaned his forehead (rather harshly) against the closest bedpost (which was Sirius'), while Sirius blinked rapidly, replayed the words a million times in his head, tried to calm his increasing heartbeat, and felt like he died on the spot. Sirius had always been so confident and good with romance, but as soon as Remus said or did something romantic, he was Dead. It had happened when they had kissed, and it was happening now. Not as strongly this time, it was only a few words compared to a heated kiss, but he still felt as if he had no control over himself.

"Fuuuuuucking..." whispered Remus with a groan, and Sirius was back - somewhat at least. Sirius wanted to have control over himself, and speaking was a sign of that, but he might have chosen to speak a little too soon.

"I thought you weren't interested in that?" Remus' head snapped up.

Brilliant, Sirius, just fucking brilliant. He wished he had managed to say something more complimentary in response, something to show he was interested too (at least if that was what Remus had meant by it, Sirius could never tell these days).

"I'm not," Remus replied automatically. He didn’t manage to say anything more, though, he didn’t know what he _could_ say.

"Then what did you mean by it?" They both knew Sirius wasn’t talking about the whispered swear. Sirius knew the question might sound harsh, but hadn't been able to keep it in. He demanded answers, he needed to know what Remus meant by all the confusing signs from the past weeks.

"I, er, well," Remus started, so very eloquently. Then, because he suddenly felt all hope was lost anyway, and because he just couldn’t keep up how he'd been going the past weeks, he said the truth. "I just meant I think you look good, er, handsome? Beautiful, attractive, gorgeous? Well, all of those, really." Remus scratched his neck and looked down. He couldn’t meet Sirius' gaze right then. "Um, so, yeah, I like you, fancy you, whatever. Er, I have for quite a while… bye." He couldn’t stay there anymore. He had just confessed in the least attractive and understandable way Remus could think of! So, he ran. He hurried out the door to their dorm and down the stairs, groaning as he went. What had he done?

Sirius was left dazed once again and he cursed his inability to do anything when Remus did stuff like this. His brain had turned to mush! How could it!? These thoughts only came several seconds after Remus had disappeared through the door. Only after several _more_ moments were he able to control himself enough to move, to actually go after Remus. He had not, however, thought any further than "Go after Remus and kiss him again", and so he left his dorm in only a t-shirt, a towel around his shoulders, and boxers under the towel around his hips.

He hurried down the steps and out into the common room, scanning the area for Remus and not noticing anything else. When he didn’t see him, he did as was typical of his dramatic self, and bellowed "Crisis! Emergency! Where did Remus Lupin go? I repeat, where is Remus Lupin?" The people nearest to him winced at the volume, but most of the others didn’t bother giving him much attention. They were all too used to Sirius' outbursts and loudness.

James, however, grinned and came over. "Hey, Padfoot, why d'you need to know where Remus is? What happened between you two?" His smile was mischievous, like he knew something Sirius didn’t and was planning to do something with it. Sirius narrowed his eyes at James.

"I'll tell you later but right now I need to find him!"

"I can see you're in a hurry," he looked pointedly at Sirius' "outfit". "But can I at least come? If you're about to finally confess your feelings to each other I want to be there!"

"You knew? Jesus, no, Prongs, you may not come, and Moony already confessed his feelings which is why I need to find him!" Shit, how loud had he just been talking?

Never mind, there were more important things to take care of.

"He did? Merlin, why did he leave if you feel the same way?"

"Because I didn’t reach to tell him that! Now tell me where he went!"

James sighed. "He went out in the hall, but he didn’t tell me where!" As if he were the most frustrated by the news.

Sirius groaned. "Why didn’t you just tell me that? I need to find him! Buh-bye, Prongs!" Sirius went, ignoring James' protests.

When Sirius came out in the hall he had to stop and consider. Where would Remus have gone? The library was most likely, but outside was also a quite possible place. He decided to start with the library. And so he was running again.

They weren't supposed to run in the halls, but Sirius and James had never cared, and people had gotten used to it. He made it to the library and quickly made his way to the hidden corners, but found no Remus.

He continued running.

After searching several hiding places inside and then some outside despite the rain (Sirius knew Remus rather liked rain and so it wouldn’t stop him from going outside), he finally found Remus. He was by the lake, on the other side to what was closest to the school.

Remus was sitting on a large rock, his face turned upward, letting the heavy drops splatter and roll down his face and throat. The water made his skin glisten, his hair flatten against his head, except for a few curls popping up. His jeans were clinging to his legs and Sirius had to swallow thickly at the entire sight of him. This was ok, though, because Sirius had learned to live with the beautiful sight of his roommate. That didn’t mean he loved it any less, his brain just didn’t turn to mush at the sight like it did if Remus did something romantic.

"You're quite gorgeous yourself, you know," Sirius started with. He wanted to call him sexy but wasn’t sure if Remus would be comfortable with being called such a sexually charged word. Sirius was completely fine and respecting of Remus' asexuality, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t sexually attracted to him.

At Sirius' words, Remus' head jerked and his eyes opened with several blinks to get the rainwater away. He looked at Sirius. Had he really just called him gorgeous? That meant another strong evidence that the attraction was mutual, and so Remus’ confidence grew. His secrets were out there, he had been setting his mind on Doom and getting used to the idea of an awkward friendship with Sirius and a life with unrequited love. Therefore, this was fine, Remus didn’t get extremely nervous. So, for once being quite smooth, he quirked his eyebrow and smiled. "Is that so?"

Fuck, Sirius had not anticipated this. Remus had been a bumbling mess back in the dorm, how could he act to smooth now? He still managed to get his head to nod, though. And, when his mouth wouldn't cooperate, he forced his legs to. He climbed onto the boulder and sat beside Remus, facing him in the rain. Not daring to stop moving once he had started, he moved slowly forward and flicked his eyes down to Remus' tempting lips. He tried to flick his eyes back up to Remus' eyes, but the lips were just too perfect. They looked so soft and pink and just perfectly kissable. Before Sirius could get himself to look up again and make sure Remus was on board with his idea, lips crashed onto his.

Remus had lunged forward as soon as he was certain of Sirius' intentions. He was sick of waiting. He needed to feel Sirius' lips on his again, feel how soft and yet strong they were as they moved against each other. Remus moved closer and twined one hand in Sirius' beautiful curls (oh, how he’d missed the silky feeling of the strands against his fingers) and placed one hand on his waist, drawing him closer. And closer he came willingly. Sirius was more than happy to have Remus' mouth on his own, their tongues quickly finding the other’s and moving, exploring as much as they could. One of them, or both, moaned and it didn’t matter who. Sirius' hands moved, one on Remus' neck and one on his hip.

As Sirius went to move even closer, bending forward to kiss down Remus’ neck, his towel came loose and he pulled away. Sirius was in a daze, heaving for air, but he had become protective of not showing off his nether regions, so he got himself to wrap the (now more wet again) towel around his hips.

When he looked up, Remus was smiling at him, pure happiness and understanding shining in his eyes.

They shared one last lingering perfect kiss that left their bodies - and especially lips - tingling, before they went up to the dorms again, hand in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! This is my first completed and published fanfiction, so yey!  
> Please tell me what you thought of it, I'm open to constructive criticism and please tell me if there are any typos or mistakes!


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